4 Ways to Fight Hopelessness

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Do you know any firefighters who would spray gasoline into a fire?

Central Texas is ablaze. Massive wildfires are engulfing homes, pastures, and beautiful pine forests.

Like all natural disasters and man-made crises, the fires arouse a sense of horror and helplessness. We are humbled by our powerlessness. We often feel hopeless and overwhelmed in the face of such destructive power.

Multiple Causes

Like other things in our lives, these fires are not the result of any single cause. We have endured record-breaking heat and drought this summer. Other areas of Texas have burned, but Central Texas has survived. Until now.

It took a few more contributing elements to set us ablaze. Tropical storm Lee battered the coast of the Gulf of Mexico to our east, bringing us winds but no rain. At the same time, a high pressure system settled just to our west. This caused Lee’s winds to funnel at 35 mph straight through Central Texas for an extended period.

One of the final contributors? Power lines through the area, sagging because of the undue load caused by air conditioning, swung in the wind. They impacted dried trees, causing sparks. In the bone-dry environment, the blazes spread quickly.

 

Our life challenges are often like that. We can absorb several areas of challenge and stay on track. But add a few more and we reach the point where the burning embers flare. We lose sight of our goals. We get off course. We feel humbled, hopeless, and overwhelmed.

In a bone-dry environment, the blaze of hopelessness spreads quickly. We can absorb several challenges and stay on track. But add a few more and we reach the point where the burning embers flare.

How to Survive the Flames

When we are buffeted by hopelessness, we can feel devastated. Many times, though, we don’t have the support available to natural disaster victims. We feel that we’re all alone, and that feeling can make the situation even worse.

We don’t have much control over circumstances. But we have control over how we respond. When you feel circumstances threaten to engulf you, try these techniques:

Firefighting Tip #1

In a fire, firefighters face constant danger. They focus on the immediate situation, not on assessing their long-term chances of survival. They think only of doing the best they can in the present moment. That’s where their effort is needed.

If they fail to extinguish the brush in front of them, their thoughts about the future won’t matter. They do the job in front of them.

That’s how to handle life crisis situations. Just because you feel hopeless doesn’t mean you’ll feel the same tomorrow or next week. Situations always change, in spite of our beliefs.

Do what’s on your plate in this moment. Don’t worry about your feelings too much. Don’t analyze the future too much. Just do what’s in front of you. Then do the next thing.

You won’t feel hopeless forever, I promise. And the more you continue to do what’s in front of you, the faster the fire will be put out.

Firefighting Tip #2

Firefighters work as teams. Firefighters in a standoff with a section of brushfire are supported by others who share their goals and support their efforts.

How many times have you tried to go it alone when you felt hopeless? Unfortunately, the feeling of hopelessness often walks hand-in-hand with a sense of alienation. Don’t let that happen.

Sure, you feel hopeless and lonely. Reach out to those who stand ready to support you – family, friends, counselors, coaches, religious leaders.

I’m not suggesting you go on a whining binge. No, focus on how these people can help you envision a better future, identify the steps to get there, and then support you while you take those steps.

A firefighter wouldn’t dream of going it alone if help was available. It wouldn’t make sense.

Firefighting Tip #3

Firefighters don’t just rely on other people. They use many resources to increase their safety and chance of success – special clothing and gear, hoses, chemicals, air support, and ground support vehicles, to name just a few.

Although they are difficult to identify when you’re feeling hopeless, you also have many resources available. The resources my coaching clients have used include routine activities that build them up (like walking, running, spending time with their children or pets, meditating or praying), reminders of motivating goals (stuck on bathroom mirrors or refrigerators, on laptops and smartphones, etc.), rebuttals to false beliefs about why they should feel hopeless, and simple habits to get them through the really tough moments (like deep breathing, stretching, drinking water, smiling, or singing).

Each of us is different. We must each identify the resources that work for us. But we all have them. Avoid people, places, and activities that make you feel worse. Do things that you know are good for you, even if you don’t feel like it in the moment.

Firefighting Tip #4

Do you know any firefighters who would spray gasoline into a fire? Of course not. That would only make the situation worse.

Why then do we, when we feel hopeless, do things that only make it worse? We may drink or use other substances, neglect our nutrition and fitness, ignore our important relationships, fail to keep our responsibilities.

Yes, it’s very, very hard to do the right things when we feel hopeless. By definition, hopelessness means we don’t see the point of those efforts. But as described in Tip #1, we must do the right things in spite of our sense of hopelessness. Above all, keep doing what’s in front of you. Don’t give up.

The firefighter has every reason to give up when facing a massive fire. But not only will the firefighter toil on, he or she will avoid feeding the fire.

________________________

 

The Central Texas fires are very serious. I have friends whose homes have been destroyed. Others have lost pets and grazing land. Their lives are changed forever. I grieve for them.

Fires are eventually quenched or they die out on their own. The damage can be devastating and painful. But they create a new place for you to build again. To build a stronger and more satisfying foundation. A place where you feel less overwhelmed and more hopeful.

Who knows. . . when you are an expert firefighter, you may even help others fight their own fires.

To your Success,

 

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4 Secrets to Motivating Others

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Do you care more about knowing all the answers or about motivating real change?

 

Motivating others is a critical skill if you are a manager, a team leader, an entrepreneur, a trusted advisor, or a parent. How can you overcome resistance? How can you help others make changes that last?

Even when we have authority over others through our positions, contracts, or social relationships, we have all seen instances when the behaviors we expect from others just don’t happen.

Carrots and Sticks

Daniel Pink, in his bestseller Drive, makes the point that we believe the best way to motivate others is with extrinsic rewards. These are things outside of ourselves, like money, awards, special favors. The proverbial dangling carrot. Pink deftly points out the huge gap between what science knows about how people are motivated and how business assumes people are motivated.

The proverbial carrot often keeps company with the proverbial stick. Using the threat of negative consequences to motivate others is the flip side of extrinsic motivation.

There are times when carrots and sticks are the best tools, but most of the time they don’t get long-term results. And they often backfire. Employees may resent you or are not entirely honest with you. You can’t seem to build loyalty or high performance in your team.

We use the extrinsic reward/threat system in every part of our life. Don’t we motivate our younger children with bribes of special treats and threats of punishment? We hold power over our teenagers in the form of the keys to the family car, curfews, and special privileges. How about our significant others?

Can you think of examples of times you have attempted to get others to behave in certain ways through promises or threats? I sure can. . .

 It’s not that extrinsic rewards/threats don’t work. They often do. . .

Rewarding Behaviors

. . . but intrinsic rewards almost always work better.

What is an intrinsic reward? It’s something that satisfies a deep interest or desire. Money is nice as a motivator. But money is only a means to satisfy a deeper desire. What is that desire? When you learn what provides intrinsic motivation, you are in a position to get real, lasting results from your motivation efforts.

How to Motivate Others Effectively

1.      Ask Open-Ended Questions. . . and then really listen to the answers.

When we ‘know what’s best’ for someone else or we feel time constraints, we often ask leading questions. Many elicit a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. “Don’t you think you should clean your room?” “Do you understand how important it is that you complete the report on time?” “Would you agree that you have a problem?”

Such questions elicit two responses: resistance and shutting down. You may get compliance but it will be superficial and resentful.

You may be the expert – you may truly know what is best for someone else. But that knowledge won’t take you far if they’re not on board with you.

Instead, ask questions designed to reveal their underlying interests. Questions like “What would make cleaning your room more enjoyable?” “We both want to ensure you complete the report on time. What would help you do that?” “Tell me more about what you would like to see happen.”

The next step is equally important. Repeat their answers to them and ask if you understood. “So it sounds like you have been struggling with keeping yourself motivated. Have I got that right?”

2.      Check your own Motivation.

Honestly now – do you care more about changing someone’s behavior or about exhibiting your power and saving your time?

If you find yourself taking the expert role, or thinking condescending thoughts toward the other, you will limit your ability to change their behavior. You sense it when others behave that way with you. You probably don’t like it. Neither do others.

Sure, you might be able to force a person to change. But how lasting is the change? Probably only for as long as you can observe them.

3.      Use Collaborative Language.

So long as you don’t do it in a condescending manner, using your words to partner with another to help them achieve their goals is extremely motivating.

Roger Fisher and Bill Ury, in their classic Getting to Yes, recommend using language to symbolically move the other to your side of the table. Instead of feeling like you are facing one another as adversaries, you both feel that you’re sitting side-by-side facing the problem as a team. This approach can be very motivating. Use open-ended questions like “How can we work together to achieve that result?” “Since we want the same outcome, how can I support you in making it possible?”

4.      Don’t assume you see the problem the same way.

You may be motivated to see his productivity improve. But he may be motivated to do other types of projects. You may wish to motivate her to attend AA meetings and stop drinking. But she may be more concerned about securing childcare for her children and finding a job. Ultimately, he may also care about improving productivity. She may decide to attend meetings and stop drinking. But until you acknowledge and address their primary concerns, they will resist your efforts to motivate them.

We are inescapably intertwined with the others in our lives. We often want to see others change – maybe because their behavior is hurting us or those we care about, because we recognize their potential, or because we simply care about them. Too often, we go about ‘helping’ in the wrong way.

What matters more to you? Knowing all the answers or motivating real change in others?

a

To Your Success,
Kate

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Confessions of a Closet Alchemist

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Have you buried your dreams?

 

A few weeks ago I had coffee with a vibrant young woman whom I’ll call Erika. Erika impressed me. In spite of her youth (or perhaps because of it), she has an innovative vision for her future and the courage to pursue it.

Like me, Erika has faced a life-changing health crisis. Her experience motivates her to make the most of her days by finding practical ways to invest in her values and dreams.

She hasn’t always been supported in her quest. In fact, it runs counter to the societal culture in which she was raised. But as Erika spoke, I could feel her excitement and joy.

Alchemy and Practicality

As I described to her my own vision to empower people all over the world to identify their dreams and develop a personalized plan to reach them, Erika said, “Oh, that sounds like the message of a book I just read.” She suggested I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

Now, I love reading novels but gave them up a year ago when I began researching motivation and neuroscience. At Erika’s urging, I ordered the book. Although I have not yet finished reading, the message has ignited me.

The simple story is about Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd who sells his flocks to pursue his dream of finding treasure at the Egyptian pyramids. Essentially an allegory, The Alchemist introduces intriguing characters along Santiago’s journey. You will likely recognize parts of yourself, and others who have crossed your path, in each of the characters. I certainly do. Beautifully written in its simplicity, The Alchemist is an easy and gripping read.

More than that, it captures the change in my heart when I decided to pursue my dream, whatever the cost. Like each of us, Santiago faces the choice between a predictable life that is reasonably satisfying (or maybe not so satisfying), and a life of exploration.

Predictability and Passion

As we live our predictable lives, we quietly bury our passions to avoid the upset they may represent. Slowly, we forget our passions. It becomes difficult to uncover them. Those of us who risk uncovering our passions face a new problem. Our quiet, predictable lives have taught us many habits and attitudes that are obstacles to pursuing our passion. We are afraid of what change may do to our relationships, finances, and reputation. We’ve lost our taste for exploring unknown, possibly perilous, new paths.

 

We either settle for what is, or, like Santiago, we face our fears and cross the desert of uncertainty.

 

Which is right for you? I don’t know. I only know that since I made the choice my life has been enriched in more ways than I can count. Each day feels like a gift, an opportunity to learn more and offer more to others. I know that I will never turn back.

Ironically, I am known as the Alchemist. Not because I practice esoteric magical rituals. No. A dear friend, one of the first testers of the Personal Success Toolkit, observed that I had transformed my organizational performance consulting firm, Iron Scaffold, into a personal and team success venture, Gold Scaffold. Iron into gold – the mythical ability of the Alchemist.

Thank you, Erika, for the recommendation. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me and imparted wisdom to my journey. May we all discover our treasures – our passions – and pursue them.

 

To Your Success,

Kate

 

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Anxious? Here’s an Easy Method to Make it Go Away

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Train the Tense Lizard

The Tense Lizard

Are you a lizard – someone who often responds to situations instinctually and emotionally . . . with fear or anger, for instance?

The Composed Leader

Or are you a leader? Are you usually in control of yourself…you decide when to respond emotionally?

Do you wish you were in better control of your responses? Do you wish you could increase your steadiness, your wisdom, your control, even your happiness?

Instinctual vs. Intentional

Ever heard of an area of your brain called Lizard Brain? Also known as the limbic system, Lizard Brain protects you from threats and grasps at opportunities. For instance, Lizard Brain decides whether you should run or fight when you meet a gangster in a dark alley. Lizard Brain drives you to seek out food, sex and shelter (not necessarily in that order). He can also cause you to blow up when your children test you or to withdraw or say things you regret when you are hurt.

Lizard Brain can save your life. But if he was always in control, you’d be in deep trouble.

Fortunately, headstrong Lizard Brain is balanced by your cooler, wiser Leader Brain. Also known as the prefrontal cortex, he is the one who makes decisions and judgments, reasons and plans, uses critical thinking, and has empathy.

These two parts of your brain usually work together. But when Lizard Brain is triggered by some threat or temptation, Leader Brain takes a backseat. And Lizard Brain often sabotages your best interests. Remember those times you’ve been impulsive, procrastinated, or been downright immature? Yep…Lizard Brain.

Do you want more control over Lizard Brain? I know I do. Experts have developed many techniques to train our brains. Here’s a good one. I’ll be sharing others in future posts.

You can train your brain. It’s much easier than you think.

 

Train the Lizard

Your thoughts are not stored like computer files. Your thoughts and memories have many associations and judgments stored with them, often negative, which you yourself have created. When you think about something, you also experience the (often negative) emotions you have attached to that thought. While parts of the thought may be accurate, the associations are your own creation. If the emotions are negative, you can choose to disassociate them. It’s easier than you think.

Try This

Breathe deeply and relax your body. Think of a memory that makes you feel happy – maybe a sense of being cared for by someone you love, maybe a time you achieved something that you were very proud of. Feel the good emotions. Let them wash through you. Enjoy them.

Hold on to those good feelings.

Now, while enjoying those good feelings, bring to mind something you’re worried about. An upcoming speech or job interview? A difficult conversation? Hold them there in your mind together – the worry and the good feelings. Let the good feelings wash through your body even while you think the worrisome thought.

It takes a little practice to do two things at once. The more often you practice this, the more quickly the negative associations disappear. The worry, guilt, the pain – which doesn’t serve you – will be replaced with calm steadiness. Leader Brain will have the victory over Lizard Brain.

To your success,

Kate

 


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7 Ways to Overcome Procrastination

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Don't feel guilty about procrastinating. Take action.

 

You’ve got a great idea for a business. You need to lose 10 lbs. You have a major report to write. But it’s not getting done.

You’re not alone and it’s not your fault.

For most people, the major challenge in life is not handling a crisis. No…it’s the daily demand to stay with the program. To accomplish your tasks day after day. To keep going in the face of drudgery, frustration, and boredom. Consistently choosing to do what needs to be done rather than what you want to do.

1.  Don’t feel guilty – it’s not your fault. 

Mark Twain said, “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” 95% of people admit to procrastinating. A quarter of these say procrastination is a chronic characteristic. Is it laziness? Is it perfectionism? Only rarely. Instead, it’s evolution.

The limbic system, or “reptile brain”, evolved early in our primate history and is similar to that of most creatures. It is controlled by instinct and enables us to meet our immediate survival needs. The prefrontal cortex, or executive function, evolved much later. Its job is to analyze and plan future benefits. Usually the limbic system and prefrontal cortex work together effectively. But when the limbic system is stimulated by immediate sensations, procrastination results. The long horizon view of the prefrontal cortex is cast aside to satisfy immediate desires.

It’s not our fault but we have to deal with it.

2.  Know when procrastination makes sense. 

Sometimes putting off tasks is more productive than compulsively tackling them. Do you have a niggling sense that you need more information, a different perspective, or better timing for your task? What you (and others) may see as procrastination may instead be resistance to the task due to an almost unconscious or instinctual recognition that delay is best.

When this happens, identify what you’re waiting for and plan flexibly based on this knowledge. Work on another task until you have everything you need to give ample attention to the first one.

3.  Identify your procrastination triggers. 

The more impulsive we are (see #1), the more we avoid the anxiety related to deadlines or long-term tasks. No, it’s not logical. Yes, it’s self-defeating. And yes, we all do it.

Spend time identifying what triggers your impulsiveness. Are the birds singing and golf course beckoning? Ask a friend to hide your clubs until the project is completed. Does a nap seem more inviting than writing that report? Plan your most important work first thing in the morning while you are still fresh.

4.  Keep moving. 

I’ve been reminded more than once that it’s easier to rudder a ship that is already moving. In those moments when you are tempted to take a break to avoid an unpleasant task, resist. Energy in motion tends to stay in motion. If you work at another task instead of resting, you will find it easier to approach the unpleasant task. Energy at rest tends to stay at rest. That one is self-explanatory.

5.  Examine your self-talk. 

If you, like me, can easily justify tweaking your website rather than calling that difficult client, your creative self-talk is probably highly evolved. When it works against you, this is not a good thing. Take the time to listen to your reasons for procrastinating. Are they excuses or valid reasons? Most of time, our justifications have enough truth in them to trick us.

Is your justification entirely true? If not, correct it. For instance, you dread cold calling and tell yourself “I can’t make that cold call until I feel more confident (or know more about the product, or practice, etc.).” Is that entirely true? Perhaps you can begin with a few low-risk prospects and learn your technique quickly through making a few calls. Identifying your false self-talk can lift major barriers to productivity.

6.  Don’t visualize success…alone. 

Visualization has been all the rage for the past decade or so. All types of people are enjoying mental images of their future success in the hopes they will attract it. Does it work? Yes and no. Visualization alone tricks your brain into thinking you have already completed your task. This diminishes motivation.

Instead, imagine completing your task. Next, imagine what it will take to get you there. What obstacles and challenges will you face? According to the research, holding these two images in your mind simultaneously is the best guarantee you will reach your goal and overcome procrastination.

7.  Use your energy wisely.

You are like a power grid. If you allocate physical, mental, or emotional energy in one area, it decreases energy in other areas. Worry about that upcoming presentation devours energy needed to complete your present task. Multitasking reduces your ability in every area.

At the beginning of the day or the night before, determine your goals and priorities for the day. If possible, tackle them one-by-one. Use the strategies above to keep your mind on the task at hand. You may be very surprised at how much more productive you can be. And at how much more you enjoy your work.  

We would love to hear your tips for overcoming procrastination. Please leave comments below!

To your success,

Kate

Note: A version of this post will be appearing in the AustinIsIt blog.

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When Your Partner’s Goals Conflict With Yours

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How you and your partner define a good relationship makes all the difference.

 

If you’ve spent any time at all in a relationship, you know that conflicting goals are a major problem. Disagreements about finances, friends, vacation plans, and which way the toilet paper roll should face can put snags in an otherwise smooth relational fabric.

In my conversations with couples in conflict, I find that each partner tends to fall into one of three groups, based on how the partner defines a good relationship. Asking each partner to define how a good relationship is like a path exposes three belief systems concerning romantic relationships.

 

The Single Path Partner

“We walk hand-in-hand on the same path.”

The Single Path Partner thinks both partners should be alike in their needs and desires.

Childhood fairytales promote the idea of meeting Prince Charming or Princess Snow White and living happily ever after in perfect bliss. It’s a nice image. However, we all invariably discover that we are not the same person as our partner. We want something she doesn’t want. He wants something we don’t want.

The Parallel Path Partner

“We walk side-by-side on parallel paths.”

The Parallel Path Partner wants to please the other but recognizes the need to guard his own boundaries too.

People in this group value both their goals and their partner’s goals. They have developed a sense of their own needs and desires and know where their hard and soft boundaries lie. They know where to compromise and where to stand firm.

The My Path or No Path Partner

“I will continue to walk my path and hope you’ll join me.”

My Path Partners are accustomed to doing things their own way. It may be due to a strong personality, a desire to control, fear of uncertainty, a belief in the ‘rightness’ of their way, or a variety of other reasons. The bottom line is that My Path Partners have a difficult time honoring the needs of their partner when those needs conflict with their own desires. In many cases, My Path Partners are motivated by a belief that they are showing care and love for their partner.

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With which group do you most identify? Which group do you think your partner represents?

With the exception of Parallel Path couples, when group characteristics are extremely entrenched, relationships sometimes come to an end.

Fortunately, there is hope for couples with all these combinations. Skilled therapy, coaching, or mediation can help the partners collaboratively define the type of relationship they wish to create together and the means to do it.

Advice for each group

Whichever group you represent, you can take steps to strengthen your relationship.

Recommendations for Single Path Partners

  • Expect your partner’s needs and desires to differ from yours.
  • Seek complementarities with your partner rather than similarities.
  • Grant your partner the freedom to be herself to the extent that it does not harm you.
  • Recognize that expecting him to satisfy your needs is unreasonable. Neither can you satisfy all the needs of your partner.

Recommendations for Parallel Path Partners

  • Develop practices that test and reinforce your motivations and boundaries.
  • Learn communication skills to help you negotiate your interests with your partner in a way that puts the least stress on the relationship.
  • If your partner is another group, consider whether a trusted advisor (therapist, coach, mediator, etc.) might help the two of you collaboratively define how your relationship will be.

Recommendations for My Path Partners

  • Recognize that truly loving another means understanding that person’s needs and desires. You may not choose to fulfill them, but you should respect them just as you expect your needs and desires to be treated with respect.
  • Consider how you can provide leadership by collaborating with your partner.
  • When you sense ongoing resistance from your partner, consider whether a trusted advisor (therapist, coach, mediator, etc.) can help the two of you adapt to one another’s styles. Often, you can brainstorm together many of the conflicts you are likely to face. Plan ahead how you will handle them in a manner that makes you both comfortable.

Relationships take a great deal of work. We all tend to believe that our partner sees things as we do….or should. In fact, each of us sees the world through different eyes. We define good relationships in different ways.

Challenging? Yes. Worth the work? Most definitely.

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Are YOU an organoleptic epicure?

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Academic Speak

Like many former academics, I tend to fall into the rut of ‘academic speak’. Graduate school exposes us to fascinating and useful knowledge. It develops in us the ability to to perform research.

We also learn the best techniques to make interesting topics boring, simple topics complex, and useful information inaccessible to anyone who doesn’t speak our academic language.

We use five syllables when two will do just fine.

Gold Scaffold was developed to simplify everything we know about goals. I am amazed at how much is known about achieving goals that never made it out of professional, peer-reviewed academic journals.

The gap between how we go about goal achievement and how we should go about goal achievement is wider than the Grand Canyon.

Goals and Simplicity

What do goals have to do with organoleptic epicureanism? That’s a really good question…

Experience fully using all your senses.

An epicure is someone who loves refined sensuous enjoyment. Organoleptic refers to using the senses – sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing. When you are fully engaged in the present moment, you experience it through your senses.

You also experience a joy based in simply being…at this moment. This kind of joy is not generated by looking forward to the future. It is not depleted by worry. There is no room for either of those in the present moment.

Here’s something important we know about goals. After defining your goal well, after putting a customized plan in place, the best thing you can do is this.

Stay present.

Know how achieving your goal will reward you. But stay present. Focus on what is happening right now. Experience the joy and strength of engaging with your present moment. There’s nothing happening in this moment that you cannot handle. And staying present increases your odds of achieving your goal….astronomically.

Sounds easy. It’s not.

It takes practice, like everything good in life. It’s like building your biceps, or learning a language, or riding a bike. Practice every time you have the opportunity.

The great thing about staying present is that you don’t need anything extra. You can do it anytime and anyplace.

Tips to develop your organoleptic epicureanism

  • At any moment, focus on your senses. What do you smell? What do you see – really see? What colors and shapes are around you? How does it feel to take a deep breath? Can you feel the air as it journeys through your nose into your lungs, then your belly, then back out? What do you hear? When you eat, what flavors do you taste? Really observe.
  • In your conversations with others, focus on their words, not on planning what you will say next. You may be amazed at how much you learn.
  • Stretch. Roll your shoulders forward and back. Reach for the ceiling. Reach for the floor. Focus on how your body feels as you do this.
  • Take time to study trees and clouds.

These practices may sound a bit esoteric. In actuality, they are extremely practical. Gold Scaffold work focuses on maximizing your ability to achieve your goal. Research shows that these practices do just that.

Okay. I’m more than ready to ditch the multisyllabic ‘organoleptic epicureanism’ in favor of seven important syllables.  

Stay present. It’s that simple.

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Milestones and Goals Keep Entrepreneurs on Track

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Don't wait to plan for obstacles and opportunities.

Many entrepreneurs and startup teams don’t give timely and adequate thought to their venture’s needs and goals. I was recently interviewed on this topic by Sam Thacker for his column in the Austin Business Journal. Read it here.

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Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

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Motorcycle Madness

Last weekend I completed motorcycle training.

The motorcycle travels in the direction of the driver's gaze. It's like that in life, too.

There is nothing better than cruising through the countryside, enjoying the wafting fragrances of wildflowers and barbeque pits smoking, waving at other biking wayfarers, and feeling the wind in your hair. I for one understand why dogs hang their heads out the windows of moving cars.

Did I say “wind in your hair”? Certainly not, as I am a helmet advocate….at least now that I have completed this training.

Up to this point, my only experience of motorcycles is seated as a passenger on a decked out Gold Wing, usually with our three dogs in the trailer we tow behind the bike.

But now that we have a Gold Wing Cobra trike, it’s time for Kate to share the driving. As much as I enjoyed sporting around on a Kawasaki 125 during the training, I have no desire to hold up a 1100 lb. Gold Wing that sits on only two wheels. A trike, though…that’s another story.

Hobbies and Life

Have you noticed how much we can learn from hobbies? Beyond the doing of the hobby, I mean.

I took up gardening while I had a toddler in my house. The growing vegetables and flowers, and garden work itself, provided many metaphors for raising children and for self-development.

Training for a triathlon also trained me in how to strategically monitor and adjust my energy expenditure so that I could hit my marks. I found that these strategies worked equally well when facing longer-term emotional challenges and major work projects.

Keeping Your Gaze on the Goal

What did I learn from motorcycle training? It was this. I learned that, unlike horseback riding and mountain biking, motorcycles require lowering the sidestand before dismounting. Related, I learned that clutch levers tend to break in two when the bike falls on its side.

More importantly, I learned to trust the eyes. The bike tends to move in the direction of the rider’s gaze. If you look to the left when turning left, the bike will follow. If you look at the shoulder, you will find yourself driving on the shoulder. If you look over the cliff….well, let’s just say it doesn’t end well.

I learned how to trust my eyes when navigating very tight figure-8 U-turns on the motorcycle. When I looked straight ahead, it didn’t matter how much I turned the handlebars, leaned, or shifted my weight. I always turned too wide or had to steady myself with a foot. However, when I looked back over my shoulder in the direction I wanted to go, the bike seemed to flow around the tight curves. It feels counterintuitive. It requires a great deal of trust. But it works.

The same is true when horseback riding. The horse senses the subtle weight shifts that occur when you turn your head. I suspect the horse can also sense your gaze through peripheral vision. A trained horse will respond to these subtleties.

When going over a jump, the rider turns her head in the direction the horse should pursue upon impact. With almost no other cues, the horse knows which direction to turn and what lead to adopt.

Small Things 

It’s a small lesson, or at least it seems so. It’s just a minor turn of the chin.

It’s a small lesson, or at least it seems so. It’s just a minor turn of the chin.

But this small lesson determines whether we stay in control of where we want to go in life. After deciding upon a goal, we face many distractions. They demand our attention. They often seem more important than they actually are in the big picture.

In the midst of distractions, if we continue to gaze at our goal our life will lead us there. If we keep our eyes on the prize, distractions lose most of their power.

Ask yourself honestly if you are trusting the eyes of your inner vision. Can you envision where you are headed? While navigating the obstacles of today, are you keeping your eyes on your final destination?

It’s a small thing. It makes all the difference in the world.

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